My bed is large and warm and it is 12:30 on Christmas morning and there are just two family gatherings left to survive and I think I've done a pretty damn good job so far. I'm getting better. I am spending more time with my little ones- they are beautiful and brilliant and they love me so much. But their arms are not long enough to wrap around me, they are too small to hold my curled-up self in the dark.
It's amazing to me that in six years of speaking French I have not yet learned the word for "lonely."
Yes, this is another one of those posts.
It is wintertime again and I am needing to be held. I am missing the warmth that comes from someone whose body is just a bit bigger than mine, I am wanting the irrational feeling of protection that my own arms cannot provide me. I have already worked out in my mind our exact arrangement, the perfect placement of two spoons in a drawer, I promise you that cuddling will be the only thing involved. I am simply tired of being by myself.
Somebody help me find a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Or a very large pillow with arms. I couldn't care less so long as ze* can make me food and tell me I'm pretty and can tolerate being hugged constantly. I'm a simple girl. I don't need much- just food and blankets and snuggles.
*ze: I like to use gender-neutral pronouns for stuff like this.
The love and connection that I see with you and the littles is touching and heart warming and such a gift to them and to me. Someday the perfect ze will be there to wrap you up forever. There is time for this and It will happen. Hug those who are near and take care of your heart. know that you are loved.
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