Waiting Game

I haven't been to a funeral since the sixth grade. I haven't cried at a funeral since the fourth grade. I have only ever been to wakes and funerals; I have never seen someone just inches from death. But my Gram is there now, and I went to see her today. We thought for awhile that today was it, that she was going to be done. She is ready to be done. But the hospice nurse says she has at least two more days in her.

I am angry at my grandfather. We could not get a hold of him at all today. I don't know where he was or if someone was finally able to contact him, but we tried and tried and he didn't pick up his phone. Gram is holding out for him. And I know it wasn't his fault, but I am new to this and confused and scared and people who feel these things always look for people to blame for their emotions.

Maybe I am scared and confused about the process that is dying, but I do know that grieving is a big part of it. And I will go through my own cycle of grief, but I don't believe that a huge part of it will be tears. I love Gram. I always will. But she is ready, and I want for her to be at peace.

First Curtain

One down, two to go.

We rocked it tonight, and since this is our first performance we have nowhere to go but up.

Currently I am completely overwhelmed with love for my people. We've been through so much together- three productions, a remodel, trips to the sushi bar, and a whole ton of uncertainty. But we are the greatest group of people I know. Seriously, you guys, my stomach is completely sick with emotion. It's one of those love-someone-so-much-it-hurts kind of feelings.

We're going on our annual Sushi Excursion tomorrow. I love these people.

Friday Eve

This is another Thursday Hatred Post. I'm pretty sure I've got quite a few of them on this blog. Oh well. Bear with me.

Thursdays suck for a variety of reasons. I have eighty minutes each of my four most challenging and/or demanding classes. My morning consists of trying to stay afloat in Chemistry and attempting to wrap my head around Inverse Trig Functions in PreCalc. Interestingly enough, I completely adore everything about Trigonometry save for the inverse functions. Those are stupid, and unfortunately for me I've been stuck with them for two weeks.

Thursday drags. It is the slovenly twenty-something wearing a stained white T-shirt, playing Pokemon in his mother's wood-paneled basement that he keeps full of empty beer cans and napkins covered in pizza grease. I apologize for what could be seen as mildly disturbing imagery, but that's honestly what comes to mind. My head is funny.

Thursdays, however, are decidedly not funny.