Hush

My willingness to interact with any human being is at an all-time low.

It's better in the mornings and early afternoons. From the time I wake up to about 2 p.m., I am fully functioning and amicable. But between the hours of three and eight in the afternoon and evening, I just fall apart. I start to panic and shiver and after only saying a few (very forced) words to someone I start to tear up. I sprint straight to my bed, curl up into as tight a ball as I possibly can under as many blankets as I can find, and rock myself back and forth.

I'm developing awful, awful antisocial tendencies. I've spent more time alone in the past year than I have at any other point in my life. And I do love people, I do like to spend time with friends. I still love hugs and holding people's hands and all of that. But during those five hours of the day I just don't want anything to do with humans or other things with a pulse.

I don't know why this is happening. But I do know that I feel lost, like I'm just bobbing up and down in the waves without anything to keep my tied to shore. I need someone to be my anchor. Right now I'm just kind of empty.